Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Into the Steaming Jungle (part 3)

I've been in numerous bar fights...When you're raised in a bar, well, you've seen, and been involved in your fair share of scuffles. But this one, all I can say is that I was nearly tipping a mug w/ Caiden near the end there. It was a close thing. Very.

After scouting the Sanguine Pit, Selah and I (Brother Lothar of the Empty Jug...but don't use my whole name, that's unlucky. At least it seems to be for me.) determined that this was, indeed, a pit. And the central entertainment was some sort of aquatic display of a man-sized fish trying to eat an equally large clawed creature of some sort. The clawed creature won.

But the truly amazing thing was the owner...A ponderous beast of a thing, she was frightening. And her body guard, a seven foot tall amazon of "odd" demeanor, seemed to exude an aura of danger just by standing passively by. We guessed that this imposing warrior must be 'Belew', the champion of the pit. Well, we were very close to finding out how right our guess was.

Just about that time our comrade Elsbeth comes to collect us. They're having an issue with ants over at House Carteghen, and Durvil has made a deal w/ the proprietor. Get rid of the ants and we get a deal on goods. Seems reasonable yes? Ha!

These aren't ants...They're ANTS! I mean huge, horse-sized, beasts that can lop an arm off w/ their pincers. Not something you casually step on in order to rid yourself of a pesky pest. Our tussle with these ANTS was far from casual as they presented a significant imposition upon our health and well-being. But needless to say, we won through w/ a scratch here and there.

Settling up w/ the proprietor, Novara, (Durvil took care of the details I assume...he's good at that sort of thing.) we head off post haste to take care of this disgusting lord, Lura. (rhymes with lurid you know...which turns out to be a great description of this corpulent pig of a woman.)

We hit the place as a group just as the real entertainment is starting to ratchet up. The real low-lives are coming out of the woodwork w/ the promise of blood and drugs. That tells you a bit about Blood Cove eh?

Grabbing the "drugs" we posed as the mules as we reentered the establishment. Durvil made a deal w/ the bartender to keep the guards out of the coming scuffle and we proceeded to wait for our opening.

After the main entertainment of watching a shark eat a man in a huge tank of water, Lura stands up and announces that the "sniff" has arrived and that the party is now set to get started. The crowd erupts, this appears to be our chance.

Selah steps forward into the open space in order to speak w/ Lura...and the crowd goes silent. Uh oh. Turns out that stepping into the "ring" is akin to throwing down the gauntlet and challenging Belew. With drugs in hand, Selah attempts to negotiate her way out of this jam, but to no avail. Lura's too much of an idiot, and obviously holds the upper hand on her home turf.

With that, Belew steps into the ring and takes a bead on Selah. That won't do. And I'm unwilling to watch poor Selah get squashed like a grape. So I step in and incur the wrath of the amazon. And oh, what wrath it is...She came down on me like a sack of rocks. When she hit me I swore I had been struck by a lightning bolt.

OK thought I, she can hit, but can she grapple!?! Well, yes. Yes she can. And oh how she can grapple. She nearly ripped me limb from limb. It was if I were a tiny child in the hands of an overly aggressive ogre. Not even close to a match.

And this is where I thought that I'd quite possibly be drinking w/ Caiden Caileen soon. But no, Selah was kind enough to bring me back. I guess my time here isn't quite finished. Which is good with me. There's a lot more beer to brew...and drink.

While I was idly occupying Belew's time, the rest of the crew tried desperately to nail down Lura, who consequently had disappeared. Wonderful. But like I said earlier, she wasn't as smart as she'd like to think and started using some type of magic whip on us. Bad idea.

About that time, Elsbeth came up with the idea to break the tank of water in order to give us a bit of time by disrupting the mighty Belew. She and Durvil finally manage to break the thick glass, allowing a wall of water to wash over the crowd.

Not really doing much other than getting us wet, the fight continues with us frantically trying to locate Lura while fending off the frightening Belew with Ix's timely flaming spheres and Durvils selfless feints. (I know, it pains me to hear those two words "Durvil" and "selfless" in the same sentence as well...)

Our big break came when Selah shook the remaining sniff into the air. The cloud of drugs covered Lura for a brief moment, allowing me to knock her to the ground.

While Selah fought off the effects of the drugs, the rest of the group took care of Lura, and with that, "POP!", Belew disappeared. Soaking wet, nearly dead, we realized that we had WON!

The bartender took immediate advantage of the situation and called for a free round on the house. The crowd erupted in a jovial, if a bit unbelieving, celebration.

And so ends our bar fight, to end all bar fights.

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